you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
