I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
