Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
As shirtless as possible
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
