you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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