I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
