Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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