it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
