her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
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Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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