i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
