i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
