I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
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I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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