Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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