I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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