You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
