I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
