Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
