forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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