the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
