i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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