remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
