Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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