just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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