totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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