I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize