i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
