No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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