....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
