Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
being pregnant is like rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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