They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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