I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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