..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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