I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
