it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
