Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
