I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
