Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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