I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
