He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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