O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
