Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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