Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
