he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
