Im at strip club and am horny
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
