Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
