Are we in a gay sports bar?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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