so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
