if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
