youre lurking in front of me
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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