So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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