Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
