Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
