dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
