I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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