my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Houston, we have a blender
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
