i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
