In the future we'll all be gay
My brain says no but my pants say off.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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